Review: 10-Function Adonis Conqueror

Appearance:  Impressive.  Maybe even a little intimidating.  We have quite a collection of cute, pretty, decidedly girly vibes.  This fella is at the opposite end of the spectrum.  He's big.  He's black (or red).  He just looks powerful.

Size & Shape:  The aptly named Conqueror is quite a handful.  Really.  He measures 5.5" in length, giving you plenty to hold onto, and 1.5" in diameter.  That might not sound like much... but it is.  This is, by far, the biggest vibe we own.  As for the shape, there are just a few simple, subtle curves, but considering the size, that's really all you need.

Materials:  The business end of the Conqueror is luscious silicone.  It's good and firm, but it has a little give, and it feels fabulous.  The cap is ABS plastic with a decorative silver-plated ring.

Controls:  There's just one big button.  Push to turn the vibe on and cycle through the functions; push and hold to turn it off.  It couldn't be simpler, and the Conqueror makes things even easier because the button is large, lighted, and right on the surface (rather than being slightly recessed like a lot of single-button vibes).  This set-up does have a couple of potential disadvantages.  There is no way to turn it offer super-quick in case of an emergency - you will be waiting those three seconds.  And since the button is right there on the end, it's possible to accidentally press it while in use, which could be aggravating if you're particularly fond of a certain setting.  

Vibration Strength:  Not surprisingly, this baby's got plenty of oomph.  But with this particular vibe, it's not about strength or speed, it's about variety.  There are 10 different settings ranging from a steady, powerful buzz to a fluttery pulse with a little of everything in between.  Whether you prefer the thrill of a small jet engine or something a bit more gentle, there's sure to be a setting to please you.

Noise:  Not as loud as you might expect.  It would probably not be audible behind closed doors, but you probably will be.  ;)

Pros:  Depending on your preferences, the size could be a pro or a con.  I'm gonna call it a pro.  It's nice to have something big and buzzy - plus you've got plenty to hold on to.  Other pros?  Simple controls, powerful vibrations, and a wide variety of sensations

Cons:  It's easy to bump the button and accidentally change the setting, no quick shut-off

Overall:  The Conqueror is quite aptly named.  He's a bit brute of a vibe, not for the faint of heart.  He might be a bit too much for some, but if you're tired of cute, little girly vibes, he's a breath of fresh air.  He's very well made, but at $39.99, he won't break the bank.  So when you're ready to be conquered, go grab your own from Cal Exotics.

7-Function Silicone Luxe Euphoria Massager

Appearance: Shnazzy!  Ours is a pretty royal blue. The shape made us giggle a little, because to us, it looks a bit like a penguin. Seriously, though, it's a nice looking toy, with that deep blue and silver accents.

Size & Shape: Small enough to fit comfortably in your hand, and contoured well so your hand doesn't get tired.

Materials: the business end is a nice silicone, which feels wonderful.  The casing is ABS plastic.

Controls: We really liked the design for this model. A lot of vibes just have one control for vibe patterns & speeds and the power, whereas this one has separate controls for each - one button to turn the vibe on and off, and another to cycle through the settings.  And they aren't easy to mix up. Also the controls light up, which is handy.

Vibration :  This little toy has a lot of buzz and a lot of variety.  There are seven different settings - three  speeds of steady vibration, and four patterns.  Each one is totally different, and completely amazing.  I think my favorite is the random pulse near the end of the cycle.

Noise: Considering how powerful this is, it's surprisingly quiet. I don't think you'd have to worry about being overheard by your neighbors....or, at least, they won't hear the toy! ;)

Pros: It's a lovely little toy with lots of luxe features - power, variety, ease of use, nice materials - but it won't break the bank

Cons: We honestly didn't find any!

Overall: One of Cal Exotics deluxe toys, this little vibe would make a great gift for yourself or someone special. Don't forget, Valentines' Day is almost here!  

Dr. Laura Berman Effie 3-Speed Waterproof Satin Finish Massager

Whew, that's a mouthful.  How 'bout we just call her Effie?  Effie is our latest gift from our good friends at Cal Exotics.

Appearance:  Effie is quite a cutie.  She's a petite lady, less than 3" long, and she's a lovely shade of lavender.  She's decidedly girly, but also quite classy - sleek, smooth - you get the idea.

Size & Shape:  As mentioned, Effie's pretty small.  She's the smallest toy we've got aside from our bullets.  And she's not what you'd call shapely.  She has a very slight curve that makes her fit your hand nicely, and the buzzy end is very nicely rounded.

Materials:  Effie is made of ABS with PU cote, which is a fancy way of saying "she's plastic, but really nice plastic."  She's silky smooth and totally seamless, plus the hard plastic transmits vibrations wonderfully. There's nothing squishy here to diminish the buzz.

Controls:  They couldn't be much simpler.  Effe has a single silicone button on the end that turns the vibe on, cycles through the three available speeds, and turns the vibe off.  The silicone button requires a bit more "squishing" than some other materials, so it can be a bit troublesome to change settings in the middle of things.  But that's a minor complaint.

Vibration Strength:  Excellent!  Don't let Effie's diminutive size fool you.  This little lady packs a punch!  She has three levels of vibration, ranging from fairly mild to downright powerful - something for just about everyone.

Noise:  She's not terribly noisy.  You could probably get away with using her behind closed doors, certainly on the lower setting.  She's definitely one of the more discreet vibes we own.

Pros:  Small and discreet, powerful vibration, simple and easy to use

Cons:  Position and material of controls makes changing settings during use somewhat problematic

Overall:  Effies a great little vibe!  She doesn't have a lot of bells and whistles, but sometimes the best things are the simplest.  She's be perfect for anyone knew to sex toys, and her size would make her great for traveling!

Snag this classy little vibe from Cal Exotics for just $21.99!

Masturbatory Monday: Wank Tales #1

This may come as a surprise considering the nature of this blog and my inherent love of writing, but I don't write a lot of erotica.  If any sort of naughtiness transpires in my stories, I tend to simply allude to it and move on.  Not because I don't want to write such things, but because it's... well... hard.  

It is for me, at least.  Which, in my warped little writerly brain, is all the more reason for me to do more of it. It's a win-win.  I get to practice my smuttery; you get to read smutty things (that, hopefully, don't suck).  And because I like themes, I thought I would weave this in with the theme I had already decided upon for Mondays--masturbation.

Yep.  I'm going to write a whole series of short stories about people getting themselves off in the most creative ways and places I can come up with.  I have no idea how many of these there will be, and I can't promise I'll manage one every Monday, but I think it should be fun, and I hope you enjoy.  

Here's our first installment:

All it takes is a brief glimpse of the red skirt swirling about the ankles of the woman boarding the train ahead of him.  That simple sight sets off a chain reaction of thoughts that trickle along his spine and pool around his cock, warm and enticing.  He tugs at his long jacket, doing his best to conceal his sudden, inconvenient arousal.

Once on the train, he hurries to find an unoccupied compartment and locks the door, desperately hoping that he won't be required to admit another passenger.  The minutes tick by as he sits, fidgeting, thinking only in images - red silk, smooth flesh, round breasts, thrusting hips...

He gasps, startled by the sudden lurch as the train begins to move.

He’s so hard it hurts by that point, and though he knows the porter will be coming for his ticket, he can’t bring himself to wait another moment.  He unfastens his trousers and frees himself, leaning back against the seat with a sound that is half relieved sigh, half lusting moan.

He closes his eyes and conjured and image of her, focusing on her dainty hands, trying to imagine what those long, delicate fingers would feel like around his cock.  His own are not half as soft as hers must be, but he doesn’t let that distract him.

He focuses every ounce of his attention on the task of stroking himself, slowly at first – as slowly as he can stand.  There’s an edge of agony to the ecstasy, and it only heightens his desire.  It isn’t long before any thought of self-control has fallen to the wayside, and he is pumping almost frantically, lifting his hips, biting his lip in an effort to keep mostly quiet.

Through the glorious fog of lust, he hears a sound that might be footsteps, and the thought of being caught is enough to send him over the edge, gasping and shuddering as his seed spills, warm and thick, onto his hand.

For a moment, he sits there, simultaneously enveloped in the warm pleasure and shadowed by the shame of what he’s done.  It isn’t proper by any stretch of the imagine, but oh, it was glorious.  His only real regret is that the object of his desires was not there to witness it.

Review: The Original Personal Pleasurizer

Appearance:  Cute!  This is a decidedly girly vibe, especially on the pink ours came in.  It's very shapely too, so it's pleasant to use and to look at.

Size & Shape:  She's not very big, but this little lady's got curves where it counts.  The shape puts all of the buzzy bits in just the right spot, and let me tell you, that more than makes up for any lack of girth.

Materials:  The business end of this baby is made of TPR - thermoplastic rubber.  It's quite squishy, which I'm normally not too fond of, but in this case, it's a very good thing.  It gives the toy plenty of flexibility, so you can really play with the positioning and get everything right where it needs to be for you.  

Controls:  Super simple.  There's a single button on the base, which turns the toy on, cycles through the three available vibration speeds, and then shuts the toy off.  

Vibration Strength:  As with most of the toys we've reviewed for Cal Exotics, this one's Got plenty of "oomph."  It starts off with a very nice buzz and works up to a powerful vroom.

Noise:  All things considerered, this one's actually fairly quiet.  It's definitely audible, especially on the high setting, but I think it would be quiet enough on the lower settings to go unnoticed behind closed doors.  

Pros: This is unique among our toy collection and it feels like nothing else - and that's a good thing. 

Cons: The only possible con I can even think of is that it feels so wonderful you won't even need a lot of time to come - and is that really a con? ;) 

Overall: Like all of our CalExotics toys, this one is highly recommended.  Get your own here!

Review: 7-Function Silicone Love Rider Dual Action Strap-On

Cal exotics 7-function silicone love rider dual action strap-on

Hi, folks!  Long time no see.  I'm afraid we've had some computer troubles - namely, our monitor went kaput - but now we've got ourselves an iPad, and we're (mostly) back in action!

We had a nice surprise this month from Cal Exotics - a pretty, pink strap-on! 

One can never have too many strap-ons, so needless to say, we were delighted.  We promptly took our new friend for a test drive, and he did not disappoint.

That being said, we did have to improvise a bit with the straps.  Most harnesses tend to be thong style or with two straps connecting the front to the back, both of which can be a bit awkward until you get used to them.  These straps are intended to fit around the top of your thighs and stay out of your way, which is a nice idea, but there's just not enough stretch to the straps for this to work unless you have rather thin thighs.  Which neither of us do.  So we got creative and decided to just position the straps like a regular two-strap harness, tuck them through the back strap, and hope for the best.  I figured they'd slip a bit and require some occassional adjustment, but they actually stayed put remarkably well, and the whole setup turned out to be quite comfy.

 

The surprises were not over though, because not only is this a strap-on, it's a strap-on with a vibe. That was a wonderful addition for both of us, especially for the one wearing the harness. We've found that using a strap-on takes a little adjustment for both of us, especially with a new one, but the experience is always extra intense, and this time was no exception. With the face-to-face contact, the vibration along with the way we were moving together, it was breathtaking.

With the exception of the harness design issue we mentioned, we would highly recommend this kit. 

Review: Jumpin' Gyrator Rocket

Cal Exotics has thoroughly impressed us once again with the Jumpin' Gyrator Rocket - an extra-large, extra-powerful bullet.

Appearance:  Very nice!  I love the pretty purple color that we got, but it's also available in blue and pink.  

Size & Shape:  Great!  This is quite a bit bigger than your usual bullet, but still small enough that it can be inserted, if you wish.  The size is wonderful as it gives you a little more to hold on to and spreads out the vibrations  bit more.  So if you're not fond of really concentrated vibrations but still want to try a bullet vibe, this is the one for you!

Materials:  ABS plastic with PU cote.  Which translates to:  really nice plastic with a smooth, lovely finish.  There's nothing squishy to absorb the vibration, so you get the full force of this powerful little toy, but the plastic still looks and feels nice and is easy to clean up.  This is a great material.

Controls:  This bullet operates with a slide control on the side of the power pack, which couldn't be simpler.  Just slide the switch up to increase the vibration speed and down to decrease it.  It gives you a good deal of control without being finicky.  And the placement is absolutely perfect.  When you hold the power pack, the switch naturally sits right under your thumb.  Perfect!

Vibration Strength:  HOLY CRAP.  I think that sums it up nicely.  This toy could not have been more aptly name.  Even on the lower settings, the vibrations are so powerful that it's hard to hold on to.  It jumps around and gyrates and generally resembles a tiny, handheld rocket.  Unf.

Noise:  Not quiet, as is to be expected from something this powerful.  And of course, the higher the setting, the louder it gets.  And it gets pretty loud.  This is not the toy to get if you're looking for subtlety.  

Pros:  

• Pretty color and design
• Great size and shape for both external use and careful insertion
• Nice, easy-to-clean material
• Simple, intuitive controls
• POWER

Cons:

• Loud and noisy

Overall:  This is another fantastic vibe from Cal Exotics.  It packs a major punch, and it won't break the bank.  I highly recommend this vibe to anyone looking for strong, powerful vibrations or for a bulkier bullet.  Enjoy!