Dr. Laura Berman Effie 3-Speed Waterproof Satin Finish Massager

Whew, that's a mouthful.  How 'bout we just call her Effie?  Effie is our latest gift from our good friends at Cal Exotics.

Appearance:  Effie is quite a cutie.  She's a petite lady, less than 3" long, and she's a lovely shade of lavender.  She's decidedly girly, but also quite classy - sleek, smooth - you get the idea.

Size & Shape:  As mentioned, Effie's pretty small.  She's the smallest toy we've got aside from our bullets.  And she's not what you'd call shapely.  She has a very slight curve that makes her fit your hand nicely, and the buzzy end is very nicely rounded.

Materials:  Effie is made of ABS with PU cote, which is a fancy way of saying "she's plastic, but really nice plastic."  She's silky smooth and totally seamless, plus the hard plastic transmits vibrations wonderfully. There's nothing squishy here to diminish the buzz.

Controls:  They couldn't be much simpler.  Effe has a single silicone button on the end that turns the vibe on, cycles through the three available speeds, and turns the vibe off.  The silicone button requires a bit more "squishing" than some other materials, so it can be a bit troublesome to change settings in the middle of things.  But that's a minor complaint.

Vibration Strength:  Excellent!  Don't let Effie's diminutive size fool you.  This little lady packs a punch!  She has three levels of vibration, ranging from fairly mild to downright powerful - something for just about everyone.

Noise:  She's not terribly noisy.  You could probably get away with using her behind closed doors, certainly on the lower setting.  She's definitely one of the more discreet vibes we own.

Pros:  Small and discreet, powerful vibration, simple and easy to use

Cons:  Position and material of controls makes changing settings during use somewhat problematic

Overall:  Effies a great little vibe!  She doesn't have a lot of bells and whistles, but sometimes the best things are the simplest.  She's be perfect for anyone knew to sex toys, and her size would make her great for traveling!

Snag this classy little vibe from Cal Exotics for just $21.99!

Masturbatory Monday: Wank Tales #1

This may come as a surprise considering the nature of this blog and my inherent love of writing, but I don't write a lot of erotica.  If any sort of naughtiness transpires in my stories, I tend to simply allude to it and move on.  Not because I don't want to write such things, but because it's... well... hard.  

It is for me, at least.  Which, in my warped little writerly brain, is all the more reason for me to do more of it. It's a win-win.  I get to practice my smuttery; you get to read smutty things (that, hopefully, don't suck).  And because I like themes, I thought I would weave this in with the theme I had already decided upon for Mondays--masturbation.

Yep.  I'm going to write a whole series of short stories about people getting themselves off in the most creative ways and places I can come up with.  I have no idea how many of these there will be, and I can't promise I'll manage one every Monday, but I think it should be fun, and I hope you enjoy.  

Here's our first installment:

All it takes is a brief glimpse of the red skirt swirling about the ankles of the woman boarding the train ahead of him.  That simple sight sets off a chain reaction of thoughts that trickle along his spine and pool around his cock, warm and enticing.  He tugs at his long jacket, doing his best to conceal his sudden, inconvenient arousal.

Once on the train, he hurries to find an unoccupied compartment and locks the door, desperately hoping that he won't be required to admit another passenger.  The minutes tick by as he sits, fidgeting, thinking only in images - red silk, smooth flesh, round breasts, thrusting hips...

He gasps, startled by the sudden lurch as the train begins to move.

He’s so hard it hurts by that point, and though he knows the porter will be coming for his ticket, he can’t bring himself to wait another moment.  He unfastens his trousers and frees himself, leaning back against the seat with a sound that is half relieved sigh, half lusting moan.

He closes his eyes and conjured and image of her, focusing on her dainty hands, trying to imagine what those long, delicate fingers would feel like around his cock.  His own are not half as soft as hers must be, but he doesn’t let that distract him.

He focuses every ounce of his attention on the task of stroking himself, slowly at first – as slowly as he can stand.  There’s an edge of agony to the ecstasy, and it only heightens his desire.  It isn’t long before any thought of self-control has fallen to the wayside, and he is pumping almost frantically, lifting his hips, biting his lip in an effort to keep mostly quiet.

Through the glorious fog of lust, he hears a sound that might be footsteps, and the thought of being caught is enough to send him over the edge, gasping and shuddering as his seed spills, warm and thick, onto his hand.

For a moment, he sits there, simultaneously enveloped in the warm pleasure and shadowed by the shame of what he’s done.  It isn’t proper by any stretch of the imagine, but oh, it was glorious.  His only real regret is that the object of his desires was not there to witness it.

Review: The Original Personal Pleasurizer

Appearance:  Cute!  This is a decidedly girly vibe, especially on the pink ours came in.  It's very shapely too, so it's pleasant to use and to look at.

Size & Shape:  She's not very big, but this little lady's got curves where it counts.  The shape puts all of the buzzy bits in just the right spot, and let me tell you, that more than makes up for any lack of girth.

Materials:  The business end of this baby is made of TPR - thermoplastic rubber.  It's quite squishy, which I'm normally not too fond of, but in this case, it's a very good thing.  It gives the toy plenty of flexibility, so you can really play with the positioning and get everything right where it needs to be for you.  

Controls:  Super simple.  There's a single button on the base, which turns the toy on, cycles through the three available vibration speeds, and then shuts the toy off.  

Vibration Strength:  As with most of the toys we've reviewed for Cal Exotics, this one's Got plenty of "oomph."  It starts off with a very nice buzz and works up to a powerful vroom.

Noise:  All things considerered, this one's actually fairly quiet.  It's definitely audible, especially on the high setting, but I think it would be quiet enough on the lower settings to go unnoticed behind closed doors.  

Pros: This is unique among our toy collection and it feels like nothing else - and that's a good thing. 

Cons: The only possible con I can even think of is that it feels so wonderful you won't even need a lot of time to come - and is that really a con? ;) 

Overall: Like all of our CalExotics toys, this one is highly recommended.  Get your own here!

Review: 7-Function Silicone Love Rider Dual Action Strap-On

Cal exotics 7-function silicone love rider dual action strap-on

Hi, folks!  Long time no see.  I'm afraid we've had some computer troubles - namely, our monitor went kaput - but now we've got ourselves an iPad, and we're (mostly) back in action!

We had a nice surprise this month from Cal Exotics - a pretty, pink strap-on! 

One can never have too many strap-ons, so needless to say, we were delighted.  We promptly took our new friend for a test drive, and he did not disappoint.

That being said, we did have to improvise a bit with the straps.  Most harnesses tend to be thong style or with two straps connecting the front to the back, both of which can be a bit awkward until you get used to them.  These straps are intended to fit around the top of your thighs and stay out of your way, which is a nice idea, but there's just not enough stretch to the straps for this to work unless you have rather thin thighs.  Which neither of us do.  So we got creative and decided to just position the straps like a regular two-strap harness, tuck them through the back strap, and hope for the best.  I figured they'd slip a bit and require some occassional adjustment, but they actually stayed put remarkably well, and the whole setup turned out to be quite comfy.

 

The surprises were not over though, because not only is this a strap-on, it's a strap-on with a vibe. That was a wonderful addition for both of us, especially for the one wearing the harness. We've found that using a strap-on takes a little adjustment for both of us, especially with a new one, but the experience is always extra intense, and this time was no exception. With the face-to-face contact, the vibration along with the way we were moving together, it was breathtaking.

With the exception of the harness design issue we mentioned, we would highly recommend this kit. 

Review: Jumpin' Gyrator Rocket

Cal Exotics has thoroughly impressed us once again with the Jumpin' Gyrator Rocket - an extra-large, extra-powerful bullet.

Appearance:  Very nice!  I love the pretty purple color that we got, but it's also available in blue and pink.  

Size & Shape:  Great!  This is quite a bit bigger than your usual bullet, but still small enough that it can be inserted, if you wish.  The size is wonderful as it gives you a little more to hold on to and spreads out the vibrations  bit more.  So if you're not fond of really concentrated vibrations but still want to try a bullet vibe, this is the one for you!

Materials:  ABS plastic with PU cote.  Which translates to:  really nice plastic with a smooth, lovely finish.  There's nothing squishy to absorb the vibration, so you get the full force of this powerful little toy, but the plastic still looks and feels nice and is easy to clean up.  This is a great material.

Controls:  This bullet operates with a slide control on the side of the power pack, which couldn't be simpler.  Just slide the switch up to increase the vibration speed and down to decrease it.  It gives you a good deal of control without being finicky.  And the placement is absolutely perfect.  When you hold the power pack, the switch naturally sits right under your thumb.  Perfect!

Vibration Strength:  HOLY CRAP.  I think that sums it up nicely.  This toy could not have been more aptly name.  Even on the lower settings, the vibrations are so powerful that it's hard to hold on to.  It jumps around and gyrates and generally resembles a tiny, handheld rocket.  Unf.

Noise:  Not quiet, as is to be expected from something this powerful.  And of course, the higher the setting, the louder it gets.  And it gets pretty loud.  This is not the toy to get if you're looking for subtlety.  

Pros:  

• Pretty color and design
• Great size and shape for both external use and careful insertion
• Nice, easy-to-clean material
• Simple, intuitive controls
• POWER

Cons:

• Loud and noisy

Overall:  This is another fantastic vibe from Cal Exotics.  It packs a major punch, and it won't break the bank.  I highly recommend this vibe to anyone looking for strong, powerful vibrations or for a bulkier bullet.  Enjoy!

Review: Tantric Binding Love Universal Cuffs

As much as we enjoy all the vibes and toys we receive from the lovely folks at Cal Exotics, it was a nice surprise this month when we got something a little different - these cute cuffs!

Appearance:  Way cute.  And quite classy.  The ribbon is mostly decorative, but it's a nice touch.  And so is the cute, little heart-shaped T-ring.  It's an adorable little detail.

Size:  These cuffs are about as one-size-fits-all as you could get.  They stretch - and they stretch quite a lot - so they should fit just about anyone.  They even fit my teeny-tiny wrists pretty well.  And the stretch means you could use them as ankle cuffs, as well.  

Materials:  The cuffs themselves are a pretty heavy-duty black elastic.  Think Ace bandage.  The ring is a non-tarnishing, nickel-free alloy, so it should hold up well and look nice for years to come.  The satin ribbons are a bit of a disappointment, though.  They're not the nice, soft kind of satin ribbon, but the cheaper, stiffer kind.  They still look pretty cute, but I'd have been much happier had the ribbons been a bit nicer.  I kind of have a thing for ribbons, though, so I might just be super picky...

Function:  Good!  Obviously, these cuffs are mostly just for fun.  You (or your sub) could easily slip out of them unassisted, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.  These would be perfect for introducing someone to bondage, especially if they were a bit nervous.  You get the feeling of restraint with the assurance that you can get free quickly, if need be.  And even if you're more "advanced," and into more intense play, it wouldn't hurt to have these on hand for those times when you don't feel up to anything heavy.  

The one downside is that, since the cuffs are connected - there's a seem in the middle that holds them together - you're limited to that one configuration.  Still, it's a pretty classic position anyway, and there's plenty you can do with it.  

Pros:  Inexpensive, unintimidating, fairly durable, can be used on wrists or ankles, fit a wide range of sizes

Cons:  quality of ribbons could be better, limited to light play, limited to one configuration

Overall:  These are very nice cuffs for a great price.  They'd be absolutely perfect for beginners, but a nice item for a more experienced player's arsenal, as well.  They're cute and comfy and serve the purpose rather well without being intimidating or difficult to use.  These babies are simple and sweet!  So go grab a pair now!

Review: 10 Function Clitoral Hummer

Appearance:  Quite pretty.  The pastel colors (ours is purple!) and the smooth curves make this vibe feel very "girly" to me.  

Size & Shape:  Size isn't much of an issue as this isn't really an insertable toy (I suppose you could insert it, if you really wanted to, though).  That being said, it does fit your hand nicely, and the length makes it very comfortable to use - on a partner or yourself.  

The shape is the interesting part of this toy.  One side of the tip has an intriguing little "scoop" shape and the other has a nice little bloop.  The scoop is made to fit the clitoris, and though I was initially skeptical that it would really make a difference, I have to say, it feels amazing.  It's quite a different sensation than a bullet or any other type of vibe provides.  And that nub on the other side offers an intense, targeted sensation, so you can change things up just by turning the vibe around, which helps keep things interesting.  

Materials:  ABS Plastic (very nice, very smooth) with a silver plated ring

Controls:  A button on the very end works in a very simple manner, exactly as you'd expect, which is perfect for this toy, because you're going to be a little distracted. Make that a lot distracted.  Hold down the button to turn it on, push it again to change vibration patterns, and hold it down again to turn it off.  Easy!

Vibration Strength: Intense, in the most wonderful way. Varies from steady to pulsing to alternating patterns.

Noise: Fairly quiet for a vibe this powerful. You might be able to hear it from an adjoining room if the house was really quiet.

Pros:  Unique shape, simple controls, waterproof

Cons:  Haven't found any yet.

Overall: This is by far our favorite vibe, now. It's completely unique and the sensation is fantastic no matter which side you're using. We highly recommend it.  It is a little pricier than some of the toys we've reviewed, but it's still around $20 and completely worth the extra for the unique factor. Plus, it's really nicely made and quality is always worth paying a little more for.  You'll get a toy that lasts as long as you need it to....and then some.  So what are you waiting for?  Go get yours now!

Review: Cal Exotics Water Missile Tear Drop Probe

Appearance:  Quite lovely.  It's very curvy and feminine.  Rather graceful.  Ours is actually teal rather than the purple pictures, and it's a very pretty color.  

Size & Shape:  That graceful, curvy shape that's so nice to look out also feels quite nice.  It's a simple shape, but very effective.  The size is more  substantial than it looks.  At first, I thought it might be a bit too big for effective insertion, but it's definitely not.  You'll probably need a good warm up first for insertion to be comfortable, but once you get there it feels amazing.  For me, at least, the size is perfect.  That being said, if you do find it a bit too large for insertion, the size and shape are still very nice externally.

Materials:  ABS Plastic.  Nothing soft and squishy here, which means plenty of strong, intense vibration.  The plastic is very smooth, and the only seam is at the end around the battery compartment.  Cleanup is easy too - this toy's waterproof!

Controls:  This vibe uses a dial on the end to turn it on and off and control the vibration speed.  Turn it one way, and the speed increases.  Turn it back the other way and it slows down, and eventually shuts off.  Simple.  Also a bit awkward, especially in the middle of things.  You can change the speed during use, but you probably won't want to bother.  

Vibration Strength:  Like most of the vibes I've reviewed from Cal Exotics, this one packs a punch.  But it also has a nice range.  The lower end offers a nice, gentle buzz or you can crank it up for something more intense.  

Noise:  On the lower settings, this one's actually fairly quiet.  You could probably use it behind closed doors without attracting unwanted attention.  That being said, it does get pretty loud when you turn it up to the higher settings.  

Pros:  

• The size and shape are wonderful.  That lovely bloop is great for stimulating the g-spot, and even if you don't insert it, this vibe still feels quite lovely.  
• It offers a full range of vibration speeds from pretty tame all the way up to quite intense.  
• It's easy to clean and it's waterproof!

Cons:  

• The controls are a bit awkward to operate during use

Overall:   This is another very nice vibe from Cal Exotics.  At only $12.99, it's a great value for the price!  I would recommend it to anyone looking for a good waterproof toy that won't break the bank.

Date Night

Hi folks!  I know it's been a while since I posted anything here that wasn't one of our monthly Cal Exotics Sexpert reviews, and I'm terribly sorry for that.  I'm afraid things have been rather hectic between moving and getting a new house in order and the holidays and all...

But now it's the start of a new year and things are a bit calmer, so hopefully I can get back to posting with some regularity.  And speaking of doing things regularly...

After a lot of "hey, one of these we totally ought to..." kind of conversations, we have instituted an official "Date Night".  Every Friday evening when Miss K. comes home from work, we have a special dinner then head upstairs and spend the rest of the night in bed.

Initially, I have to admit, we felt a bit silly.  Surely the fact that we were now scheduling our playtime was a sign that we were getting old and boring.  However, having done this for a few weeks now, I can assure you that is not the case.  It's been anything but boring.  In fact, we've have some of the best sex ever these last few weeks.

Having a specific time set aside helps ensure that we get some fun time together every single week, no matter what.  And it gives us both something to look forward to every week also.  It's breathed new life into our sex life, which was already pretty damn good.  Now, it's absolutely fucking fantastic.  Seriously.

So if you've ever even considered trying something like this, go for it!  And if you haven't, do it now!  I can't guarantee you'll have the same results.  Everyone is different, after all, and what works for us, may not work as well for other couples.  But it can't hurt, right?

Now, tell me folks, do the rest of you have a "date night" or do you just wing it?  What are your thoughts on the matter?  Leave a comment and share with the rest of the class. ;)