Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #28? Start with the rules and subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for updates and submission reminders.
~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~
Ruby LOVES her body, so should YOU - What ever size you are, love yourself, be nice to yourself and concentrate on health instead of looks.
Performances - So, of course, I don’t have any sensation in my cock, but holy baby Jeebus, sinking into her is so fucking hot that I groan right along with her.
10 reasons why I shouldn't have had sex, but did anyway - I’ve written extensively about happy-sex; so now here are some of the more unpleasant reasons why I’ve had sex.
~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~
Energy Orgasms - There is a moment, an incredible moment, when it feels like the universe is concentrated in my body.
e[lust] Editress: Dangerous Lilly
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable ~after this point~. Thank you, and enjoy!
Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
A response to: #Slutwalk will not show our daughters how to get respect
Accidents Happen
All the Time in the World
Dear Jane: How Do I Gain Sensitivity Back After Masturbating Too Much?
Friday Flix: 10 Things We Would Like to Say
Hole. Confession #573
Look at me (please)
Lusting After Sexually Confident Women and HNT
Oh Really?
Sex Toy Collecting
Why Can't I Orgasm?
Kink & Fetish
5 Kinky Toys from the Restaurant Supply Store
A Piece of Meat
Being a Domme, Alone
Daddy's Good Girl
Emotional Masochism
Fucktoy Friday: Urethra Play
Good Morning
Inexorable Love
More Adventures in Chastity
New figure nudes
Plugged
Erotic Writing
Continentally Close
Entwined
First Memory of Sex with Nicole
Far From the Madding Crowd
First kiss
green candle wax
Happy Birthday Baby Girl
Lusty Lips
My first swinging experience
Seducing my Professor
sexy bitch/sexy beast
Strapping On For the First Time
seminar slut
To seduce you
The Minotaur
Twisted Words
The Heist
Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Gender Celebration Blog Carnival – A Call for Submissions
Marilyn Monroe: A Sex Goddess Searches For Her Elusive Orgasm
Welcome
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Review: Fun Factory Smartballs Teneo
But kegel exercises aren't like bicep curls or any other strength training exercise. And if you're anything like me, you may wonder if you're doing it right or doing enough or if you're even using the right muscle at all. How do you know? Well, fortunately for us, there happen to be a number of products on the market that are made for exercising your PC muscle.
One such product is FunFactory's Smartballs Teneo. These lightly weighted silicone balls, when inserted vaginally, cause your PC muscle to automatically contract, providing the exercise needed without any conscious effort on your part (wouldn't it be nice if all exercise was like that?). So all you have to do is insert them/it - the Smartballs come in singles and, for a more intense workout, doubles - and go on about your business. While you're doing the dishes/grocery shopping/ballroom dancing/whatever the balls work their magic and your PC muscle gets a great workout.
That's the theory anyway. So how well does it really work? Fantastically.
As soon as I opened my box from Good Vibrations, who were kind enough to send me one of these little guys to try, I knew I was in for a treat. They sent me the single-ball version in pink, which peeked out enticingly from Fun Factory's sleek, grey packaging. I opened it to find, in addition to the product itself, an instruction sheet, a pamphlet featuring some of the company's other products, and a sample packet of lube. And when I picked up the Smartball itself, I couldn't wait to have it inside me.
It's made of a deliciously smooth silicone, but the pattern on it's surface gives it some texture. It's about 1.5" in diameter - substantial but not overly large. It's hollow inside, and if you shake it, you can hear and feel the little weighted ball that rattles around and provides the "vibration"* that stimulates your PC muscle and makes this whole thing work.
I learned a couple of things about the Smartballs right off the bat. Firstly, you definitely need to use lube when you insert them. The silicone is nice and smooth, but it's not slick. Without proper lubrication, it would tend to stick and drag against your skin, and that is not a sensation you want where your junk is concerned. So lube up, honey. Secondly, when it comes to the Smartballs, quicker is better. This is not a dildo. It doesn't start out small and get bigger toward the base. It's pretty much one size. And that one size is pretty substantial.
The first time I inserted my ball, I tried to take it slowly and gently, eeeeasing it it. Fortunately, there is a little groove at the base for you finger that makes this much easier. Still, it was pretty uncomfortable until it finally sort of popped in. I have sense discovered that you're better off using what I like to call the "band-aid method." Taking off a band-aid is uncomfortable, and there's not getting around it, so you just rip it off as quickly as possible. Similarly, inserting the Smartballs is slightly uncomfortable, and there's no getting around it, so it's best to just shove them in as quickly as possible. Of course, you should use your noodle here. If the discomfort is anything more than minor or there is any pain involved, STOP. Do not pass go. Do not stick these things in your vagina. Some people just might not be able to use these.
All that being said, this is the only downside I've discovered. Once their in, the Smartballs are quite comfortable. Not to mention, pleasurable. Whenever you move, that little weighted ball inside the Smartballs' shell moves too. And you can feel it. It's a very unique sensation, and I honestly don't know how to describe it other than to say it feels really nice. And if you get them positioned right, the Smartballs will also stimulate your g-spot - which is probably part of the reason for their size. I don't think I need to tell you how nice that is. Plus, you can tell they're working. You can feel your PC muscle contracting, so you know you're getting the workout you need.
Removing the Smartballs is much like inserting them - best done quickly. All you need to do is pull the loop, but you need to do so a bit more forcefully than you would think. The loop is made of silicone as well, so it will stretch. I find pulling firmly and quickly is best. There's a similar minor discomfort as when inserting. The stimulation is just so intense. But then the ball pops out and, if you're anything like me, you're left laying there going, "Wow..." for a moment.
All in all, I love the Smartballs. They're easy to use, effective, and totally discreet. You could wear these anywhere, during virtually any activity and - unless you have trouble concealing your... uh... true feelings - no one would ever have any idea. Since they're silicone, they're a snap to clean up. Just wash them with a little mild soap, and you're good to go.
I don't think I've worn them long enough or consistently enough to produce any major, lasting results, but I have no doubt that these would definitely help to strengthen your PC muscle. I've definitely developed a greater awareness of mine. And long-term benefits aside, these are just fun to use. Even if you just use them occasionally to make your household chores a bit more interesting, I think they're well worth it.
What Miss K has to say:
I wore the Smartball to work for an afternoon, as my job is pretty active. It was a little difficult to get in at first, but nothing that a little lube didn't help. And once it was in place, it stayed perfectly, no matter if I was walking, sitting, stretching, bending over, whatever. That little weight is certainly interesting. =) The Smartball is totally fine for getting in your Kegel exercises. At times I even forgot it was in there. But not for too long. =) I don't think I've used it enough to be able to tell the difference, but I'm sure I will soon, and even if not, it's certainly lots of fun.
So there you have it. Miss K. and I both give the Smartballs Teneo a big thumbs up. Head on over to Goodvibes now and get yours for 15% off!
*They say "vibration," but we're not talking vibration in the traditional, battery-operated, vroom-vroom sense. I can't really think of a better word for it, though, so... yeah. We'll just call it vibration.
Labels:
Fun Factory,
Good Vibrations,
kegel exercises,
Review,
Smartballs
Monday, June 20, 2011
Make It Yourself Monday: Symtoys
So you wanna make your own vibrator. Or maybe the idea of making your own vibrator has never crossed your mind, but you do enjoy tinkering with electronics. Or maybe you've always wanted to try tinkering with electronics and just never got around to it, but making a vibrator seems like just the project to get you started. Or maybe you don't really have any interest in electronics at all, but you would like to see some great, simple do-it-yourself ideas.
Whatever the case, Symtoys certainly warrants a visit. Along with instruction for several different homemade vibrators, the site also shows you how to make this totally rad lighted spreader bar:
Pretty sweet, huh? And all of these projects seem totally doable, even if you don't have a great deal of experience with this sort of thing. I've never done anything like this myself, but I'd feel pretty comfortable giving it a shot with these tutorials, and maybe a little extra research.
That being said, if you're not comfortable working with electronics, there are still plenty of ideas here to keep you occupied. In addition to how-tos for things like a latex catsuit (which is pretty ingenious) and an ice dildo (which could be great fun if used wisely and cautiously), you'll also find instructions for some basic rope ties and some great, detailed and creative scene ideas.
This site is chock full of inspiration wherever your interests lie, and I highly recommend it to anyone with kinky leanings.
Whatever the case, Symtoys certainly warrants a visit. Along with instruction for several different homemade vibrators, the site also shows you how to make this totally rad lighted spreader bar:
Pretty sweet, huh? And all of these projects seem totally doable, even if you don't have a great deal of experience with this sort of thing. I've never done anything like this myself, but I'd feel pretty comfortable giving it a shot with these tutorials, and maybe a little extra research.
That being said, if you're not comfortable working with electronics, there are still plenty of ideas here to keep you occupied. In addition to how-tos for things like a latex catsuit (which is pretty ingenious) and an ice dildo (which could be great fun if used wisely and cautiously), you'll also find instructions for some basic rope ties and some great, detailed and creative scene ideas.
This site is chock full of inspiration wherever your interests lie, and I highly recommend it to anyone with kinky leanings.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Review: SpareParts Pete Packer Underwear Trunks
If you have any interest in packing for any reason at all whatsoever, you need a pare of SpareParts' Pete Packer underwear. If you've considered packing, but have never tried it because you were concerned about comfort and/or security, you need these. If you've been packing for years with a packing strap or plain ol' undies, you need these. If you want to pack every day or just every once in a while when the mood strikes, you need these. There is, quite simply, no better packing method in terms of long-term comfort and security.
Comfort: These are incredibly comfortable. The fabric is wonderful. It feels very nice against your skin, and it's quite breathable, so your butt doesn't get all sweaty. They have a wide waistband that stays put and doesn't roll. The only comfort issue I had at all was that the legs had a tendency to roll up. It should be noted, however, that I have somewhat chubby thighs, which may contribute to the problem, and regular boxer-briefs do the very same thing. Personally, I'd rather deal with rolling legs than wedgies. But if the leg thing would bug you, I'd go for one of the other styles.
I know because I tried them all* so you could see how Pete stacks up against his competitors. But first, let's get to know Pete...
The Pete Packer underwear line is made by SpareParts, who you may know as the creators of the incredibly awesome Jocque harness. They're available in four styles - trunks, briefs, bikinis, and a "commando" style, which is sort of a bikini-style brief for the minimalists out there who like to let it all hang out. Being a fan of boxer-briefs already, I chose the trunks.
Currently, the only color available is classically sexy, goes-with-anything black, but considering the range of colors the Jocque harness is available in, I wouldn't be surprised to see more options added the lineup later. The fabric is a nylon/spandex blend (just like the Jocque), which offers a snug fit and plenty of breathability. Plus they're totally machine washable. Basically, they're like a pair of high-end bike shorts with a handy, dandy pecker-pocket.
They're available at Babeland, where you'll also find some nice packers, binders, and tons of awesome sex toys all presented in a friendly, positive, and totally classy manner. They were kind enough to send me a pair of Petes in exchange for an honest review. I also purchased this packer from them, which is the one I used for all my testing.
I tried each packing method for an entire day, from the time I got dressed in the morning until I tore off my clothes and slipped into something more comfortable in the evening. I went through my normal daily activities, which I must admit includes a lot of sitting on the couch typing things. But I also did some household chores - cleaning out closets, doing laundry, loading the dishwasher. I didn't do any jogging or biking or anything particularly active, though I did make it a point to jump around a bit and try to get an idea of how things would hold up under more rigorous trials. So, let's see how things stacked up...
Comfort: These are incredibly comfortable. The fabric is wonderful. It feels very nice against your skin, and it's quite breathable, so your butt doesn't get all sweaty. They have a wide waistband that stays put and doesn't roll. The only comfort issue I had at all was that the legs had a tendency to roll up. It should be noted, however, that I have somewhat chubby thighs, which may contribute to the problem, and regular boxer-briefs do the very same thing. Personally, I'd rather deal with rolling legs than wedgies. But if the leg thing would bug you, I'd go for one of the other styles.
Security: Rock solid. The packer sits in it's own little pocket. The shaft slips through a hole in the inner pocket so that, if you were using an STP packer, it would be accessible. Then there's a little elastic strap in the inner pocket that you slip over the balls to hold them in place, leaving you with one neat, secure package. Everything stays right where you put it all day long. No slipping, no shifting, no need to adjust. I'm pretty sure you could run a marathon in these things and you're little friend wouldn't budge.
I haven't worked my way up to packing public yet (I have a lot of anxiety about trying to pass that I'm working through), but it's nice to know that when I do, I won't have to worry about whether or not my packer is going to stay put. Especially when it comes to using the bathroom. I imagine these would make using an STP device even easier, but if you don't have one or just prefer to do your business sitting down, you're still good to go. Since the packer has it's own pocket, there's no need to worry about it slithering away when you drop your drawers. I don't know about you, but that makes me feel a whole lot better about the entire prospect.
Ease of Wear: Fantastic. Once you get them set up there is literally nothing you have to worry about for the rest of the day. I never had to adjust them at all. It was just like wearing my regular undies, just with a little something extra. Best of all, everything felt perfectly natural. I didn't have any of those jarring, "oh, wait, this isn't actually my penis" moments. In fact, the one jarring moment I did have was the first time I went to the bathroom and remembered that I couldn't pee standing up. Now, that's not something I've been terribly bothered about before. Sure, it'd be cool, but standing to pee was not a priority for me. When I was packing with Pete, however, it seemed incredibly strange to me that I could not do so.
What Miss K. Has to Say: Packing is relatively new to us, and it's lots of fun. The trunks only add to the excitement. They look and behave just like regular underwear, so much so that I don't mind adding them to our clothesline along with the rest of the laundry on a nice sunny day. And the confidence they give my sweetheart is easily the best part. Whether by plain good luck or whatever you'd like to credit, the packer we chose is a perfect match for her skintone. It looks 100% realistic, especially with these trunks.
SpareParts Jocque Harness
Comfort: Quite comfy. I was worried that wearing this under my jeans might be a bit uncomfortable what with the buckles and all, but it really wasn't. The buckles are so fantastically made that they somehow manage not to pinch or even dig in unless you pull the straps especially tight. Once you've adjusted the straps, they stay right where you want them. They don't shift at all. Overall, I found the harness to be just as comfortable as the trunks. You'll just want to be sure you wear something with a little extra room in the hips/waist to accommodate the extra bulk of the harness' waistband.
Comfort: Quite comfy. I was worried that wearing this under my jeans might be a bit uncomfortable what with the buckles and all, but it really wasn't. The buckles are so fantastically made that they somehow manage not to pinch or even dig in unless you pull the straps especially tight. Once you've adjusted the straps, they stay right where you want them. They don't shift at all. Overall, I found the harness to be just as comfortable as the trunks. You'll just want to be sure you wear something with a little extra room in the hips/waist to accommodate the extra bulk of the harness' waistband.
Security: Very secure. The pouch on the harness is actually very similar to the pouch on the trunks. The only difference is that is no extra outer pouch on the harness and the hole through which the shaft fits is stretchier, to accommodate a wider range of sizes. The lack of an outer pocket means your dick is gonna be swingin' in the breeze. If you want the commando feel, you could certainly get it with the harness. Or you could wear regular undies over the harness to keep things in place, which is what I did (mostly because I didn't want to risk damaging my shiny new packer). Again, as far security goes, I found the harness to be pretty much equal to the trunks, due to the similar design.
Ease of Wear: Not bad. The harness was comfortable and secure, but definitely more problematic at potty time. It would probably still be fairly easy to use a STP packer with it, but if you have to sit, it gets to be a bit troublesome having to deal with pulling everything down and back up and adjusting all of the layers. Now, if you left out the extra underwear layer, it might be better, but the harness still requires a bit more fiddling than the trunks do. All in all, the harness was still pretty easy to deal with. If you already have one or intend to get one and you're only planning on packing occasionally, it would certainly be a viable option. But I wouldn't want to wear it for packing every day.
What Miss K. Has to Say: We've looked at a lot of harnesses in the past year or two. We finally bought a beginner version with our rabbit vibe from Cal Exotics, and while it was ok, it was never all that easy to use. We have different hip sizes and adjusting the leg straps was a bit of a pain. We had just about decided on a nice leather harness from Aslan. And then we randomly happened upon a demo video on Babeland for this harness. We were sold. It's perfectly comfortable, extremely well-made and easy to adjust. It's easy to wear. SpareParts did everything right with this one, and I can't recommend it enough.
Regular Boxer-Briefs
Comfort: Pretty comfy. I find boxer-briefs quite comfortable one their own (aside from aforementioned leg rolling issue), and adding a packer didn't really change that much. I did, however, find the packer itself to be less comfortable because the lack of an extra pocket means the packer rest directly against your body. It wasn't that bad, but it did tend to catch on hairs and make it's presence known in little, slightly annoying ways.
Security: Better than expected. The packer definitely shifted a lot more than with either of the other methods, but it didn't try to slither out of my pants or anything. Mostly the base just didn't want to stay against my body. It tended to kind of twist and sit sideways, which wasn't a major problem, and could probably be solved by wearing your undies a size smaller. It didn't feel nearly as secure as the other methods, but it would certainly work in a pinch. This might also work with briefs, though I think they'd feel even less secure without the legs to help keep things in place.
Ease of Wear: Okay. It wasn't as comfortable and it didn't feel as secure, but it wasn't too bad. The biggest problem came, once again, at tinkle time. If you were using an STP packer, I imagine you'd have to work a bit harder to hold it in place just because the regular underwear don't help keep things in place as much as Pete or Jocque. If you're not using an STP packer, then you have to be careful when you drop your drawers that you don't also drop your dick. That could definitely be awkward if you were in public. Even if you're not, it's kind of a hassle. And of course, when you're done you have to reposition everything again. It may not seem like much trouble, but compared to wearing Pete, this seems like a big pain in the butt.
What Miss K. Has to Say: Boxers are awesome and awesomely comfortable. And there's something quite wonderful about man-undies on my girlfriend. =) But for packing, boxers alone just don't work anything like the trunks. In conclusion, you just can't go wrong with SpareParts' Pete Packer underwear.
So there you have it. In my opinion, the SpareParts Pete Packer Underwear are the best packing method in terms of comfort, security, and convenience. I highly recommend them to anyone interested in packing. Many thanks to Babeland for sending me a pair to try!
*Almost. The only method I didn't try was a packing strap because I didn't have one, and I didn't really have the extra cash to buy one solely for the sake of testing. That being said, every review I've seen says they're generally okay, but the straps have a tendency to ride up and/or twist.
Labels:
babeland,
gender expression,
packing,
Review
Monday, June 13, 2011
Make It Yourself Monday: Pony Boots
If you're familiar with pony play at all, then you've probably seen these:
Hoof boots are probably the one item most coveted by ponies everywhere. Just look at them! They're gorgeous, and about as realistic as one can feasibly get. They're also expensive. I'm sure their cost is justified - these aren't your average, run-of-the-mill, mass-produced pumps we're talking about - but that doesn't make them any easier to afford.
Pony boots from Punitive Shoes |
So what's a pony to do? Well, if one happens to be an industrious, hard-working pony with some sculpting and casting abilities, one could potentially make one's own boots. How? This page will tell you.
The idea is pretty simple. You start with a regular pair of high-heeled platform boots, sculpt the basic hoof shape onto the platform in clay, then coat the clay in several layers of liquid latex to make a mold. A two-part epoxy resin is then poured into the molds, which forms the hoof portion. Then the heel is sawed off, everything gets cleaned up and sanded, and voila - your very own hoof boots.
Of course, that's a vastly simplified version. You'll definitely want to go read the page carefully if you want to actually try this. And you may want to experiment with the sculpting and casting process a bit before you take on such a large and involved project.
That being said, if any brave soul reading this does decide to try this or if you already have, we'd love to hear about it! And for that matter, if you've made any of your own gear at all - pony tack or not - do drop us a comment or email us at mylittleponygirl[at]gmail[dot]com. We'd love to feature your work!
Labels:
Make It Yourself Monday,
pony boots,
pony play,
shoes
Friday, June 10, 2011
Friday Flix: 10 Things We Would Like to Say
Image via Wikipedia
We like porn. Many an evening we have curled up on the couch together with the laptop and watched videos until it was time for bed or we just couldn't keep our hands of each other any longer, whichever came first. Now, it bears mention that most of the porn we watch is free stuff that we find on Youporn or similar sites. Though, we keep finding sites that we would love to subscribe to if we had the extra cash, and maybe someday we will. But I digress. The point is, we watch a fair amount of porn, most of which is okay but not great, and could be vastly improved if they would just listen to us.
So, without further adieu, here are 10 things we would like to say to the folks who make these videos...
1. Spit ≠ Lube
This is my biggest pet peeve, by far. It fills me with something akin to irrational rage. Every time I see a girl spit on her partners genitals to lubricate them, I want to smack her. Maybe some people have a thing for spitting and actually think this is hot, but I decidedly do not. You know what would be hot? Actually using LUBE.
2. As a general rule, things that are not body parts or toys do not belong in someone's body.
I can't watch someone being penetrated with a random household object and actually enjoy it. I'm far too distracted thinking of all the ways in which rubbing your clit with a wooden spoon or inserting a small, glass bottle into someone's vagina is a really bad idea. Don't you think splinters might be an issue? Did you sterilize that thing? What if it breaks? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE THAT THING HAS BEEN?
It makes me feel like a parent watching a bunch of toddlers who are at that age where they like to stick everything in the mouth, and I feel like I should smack them on the hand and tell them "No, no. That's dirty. Ick." I mean, really.
And considering the vast array of awesome sex toys available that are actually made for this purpose, there is really no excuse. If you're doing it for the taboo, to be edgy and unique, why not spring for the Jesus dildo instead?
3. Yes, you do need lube.
If I'm going to see any sort of anal action, I want to see lube being used. End of story. No exceptions. Otherwise I'm just going to cringe thinking about how uncomfortable that has to be. And that's not sexy.
4. A sex swing in a "dungeon" does not a bondage video make.
I don't care how bleak and foreboding the background looks, how many chains there are hanging from the ceiling, how much latex/pvc/leather the performers are wearing, if no one is tied up, it isn't bondage. A sex swing is not a bondage tool. It can certainly be used as such, but you're not using it that way, don't call it that, damn it. False advertisement is really irritating.
5. Sanitation is sexy.
Folks, it is never, ever, ever, okay to take something out of someones butt and stick it in their vag without cleaning the hell out of it first. Never. It is definitely not okay to alternate between the two, willy-nilly, whenever the mood strikes. Vag, ass, ass, vag, ass, vag, NO. YOU. SHOULD. NOT. DO. THIS. For the same reason you should always wipe from front to back and not the other way around. The various bacterias and things that hang out in your intestines do not get along well with your lady bits and will cause nasty, unpleasant infections. You do not want this, and I really hate to see things like this portrayed in porn. There is nothing sexy about stupidly unsanitary activities. Speaking of which...
6. STOP. LICKING. THAT. ASSHOLE.
This is just a major squick for me, especially if there's no dental dam. It's not sanitary. It might feel pleasant but it just seems terribly selfish and uncaring. Unless your partner happens to enjoy licking buttholes, in which case YOU SHOULD STILL BE USING A DENTAL DAM. See above.
7. Being a bitch does not make you a Domme.
Yes, you can be a bitch while being a domme. Sometimes you need to be. But being bitchy is not what being a domme is about. And this is something that makes Mistress want to smack a bitch. :)
8. If it's categorized as "lesbian" porn, there had better not be a penis in it.
I'm a lesbian. I find women attractive. Adult women with lovely lady parts. Not men. That's why I'm not bi. Some people are and that's wonderful. Really, truly wonderful. But if I'm looking for lesbian porn, there had better not be any organic penises around. Fakes are totally welcome.
9. Latex and PVC are not the same thing.
Yes, they're both shiny. But latex is so much hotter. And like the lesbian porn with the cocks in it, I'm really unhappy when I click on something that promises me latex and serves up PVC. Thanks for nothing, Buzzkillington.
10. We can tell when you're faking it.
Everyone's different, true. But there's nothing attractive about fake orgasms, ladies. I say ladies because I can't imagine how a guy could fake it. :\
We like porn. Many an evening we have curled up on the couch together with the laptop and watched videos until it was time for bed or we just couldn't keep our hands of each other any longer, whichever came first. Now, it bears mention that most of the porn we watch is free stuff that we find on Youporn or similar sites. Though, we keep finding sites that we would love to subscribe to if we had the extra cash, and maybe someday we will. But I digress. The point is, we watch a fair amount of porn, most of which is okay but not great, and could be vastly improved if they would just listen to us.
So, without further adieu, here are 10 things we would like to say to the folks who make these videos...
1. Spit ≠ Lube
This is my biggest pet peeve, by far. It fills me with something akin to irrational rage. Every time I see a girl spit on her partners genitals to lubricate them, I want to smack her. Maybe some people have a thing for spitting and actually think this is hot, but I decidedly do not. You know what would be hot? Actually using LUBE.
2. As a general rule, things that are not body parts or toys do not belong in someone's body.
I can't watch someone being penetrated with a random household object and actually enjoy it. I'm far too distracted thinking of all the ways in which rubbing your clit with a wooden spoon or inserting a small, glass bottle into someone's vagina is a really bad idea. Don't you think splinters might be an issue? Did you sterilize that thing? What if it breaks? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE THAT THING HAS BEEN?
It makes me feel like a parent watching a bunch of toddlers who are at that age where they like to stick everything in the mouth, and I feel like I should smack them on the hand and tell them "No, no. That's dirty. Ick." I mean, really.
And considering the vast array of awesome sex toys available that are actually made for this purpose, there is really no excuse. If you're doing it for the taboo, to be edgy and unique, why not spring for the Jesus dildo instead?
3. Yes, you do need lube.
If I'm going to see any sort of anal action, I want to see lube being used. End of story. No exceptions. Otherwise I'm just going to cringe thinking about how uncomfortable that has to be. And that's not sexy.
4. A sex swing in a "dungeon" does not a bondage video make.
I don't care how bleak and foreboding the background looks, how many chains there are hanging from the ceiling, how much latex/pvc/leather the performers are wearing, if no one is tied up, it isn't bondage. A sex swing is not a bondage tool. It can certainly be used as such, but you're not using it that way, don't call it that, damn it. False advertisement is really irritating.
5. Sanitation is sexy.
Folks, it is never, ever, ever, okay to take something out of someones butt and stick it in their vag without cleaning the hell out of it first. Never. It is definitely not okay to alternate between the two, willy-nilly, whenever the mood strikes. Vag, ass, ass, vag, ass, vag, NO. YOU. SHOULD. NOT. DO. THIS. For the same reason you should always wipe from front to back and not the other way around. The various bacterias and things that hang out in your intestines do not get along well with your lady bits and will cause nasty, unpleasant infections. You do not want this, and I really hate to see things like this portrayed in porn. There is nothing sexy about stupidly unsanitary activities. Speaking of which...
6. STOP. LICKING. THAT. ASSHOLE.
This is just a major squick for me, especially if there's no dental dam. It's not sanitary. It might feel pleasant but it just seems terribly selfish and uncaring. Unless your partner happens to enjoy licking buttholes, in which case YOU SHOULD STILL BE USING A DENTAL DAM. See above.
7. Being a bitch does not make you a Domme.
Yes, you can be a bitch while being a domme. Sometimes you need to be. But being bitchy is not what being a domme is about. And this is something that makes Mistress want to smack a bitch. :)
8. If it's categorized as "lesbian" porn, there had better not be a penis in it.
I'm a lesbian. I find women attractive. Adult women with lovely lady parts. Not men. That's why I'm not bi. Some people are and that's wonderful. Really, truly wonderful. But if I'm looking for lesbian porn, there had better not be any organic penises around. Fakes are totally welcome.
9. Latex and PVC are not the same thing.
Yes, they're both shiny. But latex is so much hotter. And like the lesbian porn with the cocks in it, I'm really unhappy when I click on something that promises me latex and serves up PVC. Thanks for nothing, Buzzkillington.
10. We can tell when you're faking it.
Everyone's different, true. But there's nothing attractive about fake orgasms, ladies. I say ladies because I can't imagine how a guy could fake it. :\
Labels:
complaint department,
Friday Flix,
porn,
Youporn
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Thoroughbred Thursday: Empty Pasture
Image by Marion Doss via Flickr
Sometimes I wish I had a foot fetish (I'm more a shoe person) or a spanking fetish (I do enjoy a good spanking, but not enough to call it a fetish) or some other "popular" fetish. Foot porn and spanking videos are pretty easy to come by. There's a huge, active forum for latex enthusiasts. And if you're into animal roleplay of the furry variety, you're certainly not alone.
I know this because I have been searching for a similar community devoted to pony play or animal roleplay/human animal play/pet play, in general. Google, of course, does not make the important distinction between human animals and furries. So I've found lots of furry communities. And none of what I was looking for. At least, nothing active.
I don't know what happened. Maybe it's just a coincidence. But every pony and/or pet play forum I found seemed to have died months or even years ago. Did I miss something? Even the forum associated with the pony play authority, Equus Eroticus, had no recent posts. And when I finally gave up on forums and resigned myself to Yahoo groups, the rather long list I found turned out to contain precisely one single group that had been recently active. I joined, of course, and soon that the group wasn't half as active as I'd hoped.
Needless to say, this quest was quite disappointing. I was sure that when I started looking, I would find the community I sought. Because there should be such a community. There needs to be. Information about pony play - beyond the very basics and where to find your tack - isn't easy to come by. Equus Eroticus does post some great, informative articles, but you can't ask an article a question. Reading articles isn't the same as discussing and sharing ideas and information with a group of like-minded individuals.
Something very important seems to be missing here, and I'm wondering what to do about it. Should I keep digging? Is the community I seek just buried deeper than I've dug so far? Maybe someone out there can point me in the right direction... Or maybe this is a case of "if you build it, they will come." Perhaps, if I want this sort of community, I need to create it.
I don't know. At this point, I'm feeling a bit lost in this wide, empty pasture. Is there anybody out there? Hellooooooo?
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Wanton Wednesday: Freedom Defined
Freedom can be many things. It all depends on your point of view...
I. Illusion
It is no ardent caress he desires. He does not long for love (for he knows he is unworthy of it) but aches for release. Release from the shackles of thought and memory, from the prison his own mind has created. How ironic that he can find his escape only in chains. Only in the searing sting of the cane across his backside. Only in the dull ache between his shoulder blades as his arms are forced up and back until he thinks that the bones might pop from their sockets at any moment. Only in the scratching and poking and slicing of those long, sharp talons along his cheek and his throat, down his back and around his cock.
And it has only just begun.
II. Reality
Not for the first time, she considered the concept of worship. What did devotion and trust really mean? For most, perhaps the answer would come from a dictionary, some pat little summary with no real heart in it. She had never been one to accept the easy, simple answer.
She smoothed her hands over the stockings she’d
slipped into, ensuring that the latex laid exactly as she wanted it to. She
stood to cross the room, heels clicking against the flooring, twisting her hair
back into a braid. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror. She felt a
rather enigmatic smile curve her lips as she reached for her favorite flogger.
Time to teach a worthy sub how to properly serve a goddess.
I. Illusion
It is no ardent caress he desires. He does not long for love (for he knows he is unworthy of it) but aches for release. Release from the shackles of thought and memory, from the prison his own mind has created. How ironic that he can find his escape only in chains. Only in the searing sting of the cane across his backside. Only in the dull ache between his shoulder blades as his arms are forced up and back until he thinks that the bones might pop from their sockets at any moment. Only in the scratching and poking and slicing of those long, sharp talons along his cheek and his throat, down his back and around his cock.
One single, ill-timed movement, he knows, could easily carry
him past the threshold of masochistic pleasure and into a realm of true,
agonizing torture. But that knowledge
only serves to arouse him further, eliciting a quiet moan as his Master
squeezes. For one so restrained, it may
as well be a scream. He feels his
cheeks flush, and the low, mocking chuckle he hears tells him that his Master
has noticed and takes pleasure in his embarrassment.
II. Reality
Not for the first time, she considered the concept of worship. What did devotion and trust really mean? For most, perhaps the answer would come from a dictionary, some pat little summary with no real heart in it. She had never been one to accept the easy, simple answer.
Labels:
erotica,
fiction,
Wanton Wednesday
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Toy Box Tuesday: Acquisitions and Desires
Happy Toy Box Tuesday, Dear Readers! In the very near future, you'll be seeing reviews in this slot, but since we just got our first batch of goodies and we're still *ahem* testing, I thought I'd introduce you to our newest additions - to the toy box as well as our wishlist.
Recent Acquisitions
Pete Packer UnderWear Trunks
First Impressions: I love what these are made of. I tried them on briefly sans-packer because I just couldn't help myself, and as underwear goes, I have to say, these are nice. Now I really can't wait to try them with my packer. I have the distinct feeling that I'm going to love them...
Flexi Felix
We won this little guy in a giveaway at The Sub Mission. Thanks, Kitty!
First Impressions: He's so cute! And so perfect. He's the perfect size for us and the silicone has just the right amount of soft squishiness without being too soft. Miss K. gives him a big thumbs up, and I'm sure I will too. Just as soon as I get to try him... *squirms impatiently*
Smartballs Teneo
First Impressions: Okay, I get it now. We'd read so much about these things - and about the benefits of kegel exercises, in general - that we just had to try them. And now I see what all the fuss is about. Whether they have any lasting effect or not, these would be totally worth it, if only for making your household chores more enjoyable.
Your Highness Vibrating Dildo
First Impressions: This is so much prettier in person! It's a gorgeous, rich, swirly metallic royal blue, and the photo just doesn't do it justice. We haven't played with this one yet, but I'm looking quite forward to trying it - especially for some anal fun.
Wishlist Additions
Whipspider Tentacle Dildo
I have a confession to make. I kinda have a thing for tentacles. I have a fascination with tentacled critters - octopuses, squids, jellyfish... And I like my hentai with tentacles. So when I first laid eyes on this gorgeous piece of fuckable art, I knew it had to be mine. Someday soon. Hopefully, very soon...
Whipspider Jellyfish Dildo
We just covered my fascination with tentacles. So what's the only thing that could possibly come close to matching the awesomeness of a tentacle dildo? A jellyfish dildo. And these Whipspider folks have both. I love them and I am totally inviting them to our wedding. Maybe I can even get them to make us some kind of fantastic octo-dildo centerpiece...
Octopussy Dress
In addition to tentacles, I also harbor a deep, passionate love for latex. So, Octopus + Latex = MUST. HAVE. THIS. Someday. Some far-off, distant day when I can afford to shell out $700 for a dress. Someday...
In the meantime, though, I've got toys to play with and a Mistress who will be home soon. So I'm off! Drop me a comment and share your latest acquisitions or objects of lust.
Recent Acquisitions
Pete Packer UnderWear Trunks
First Impressions: I love what these are made of. I tried them on briefly sans-packer because I just couldn't help myself, and as underwear goes, I have to say, these are nice. Now I really can't wait to try them with my packer. I have the distinct feeling that I'm going to love them...
Flexi Felix
We won this little guy in a giveaway at The Sub Mission. Thanks, Kitty!
First Impressions: He's so cute! And so perfect. He's the perfect size for us and the silicone has just the right amount of soft squishiness without being too soft. Miss K. gives him a big thumbs up, and I'm sure I will too. Just as soon as I get to try him... *squirms impatiently*
Smartballs Teneo
First Impressions: Okay, I get it now. We'd read so much about these things - and about the benefits of kegel exercises, in general - that we just had to try them. And now I see what all the fuss is about. Whether they have any lasting effect or not, these would be totally worth it, if only for making your household chores more enjoyable.
Your Highness Vibrating Dildo
First Impressions: This is so much prettier in person! It's a gorgeous, rich, swirly metallic royal blue, and the photo just doesn't do it justice. We haven't played with this one yet, but I'm looking quite forward to trying it - especially for some anal fun.
Wishlist Additions
Whipspider Tentacle Dildo
I have a confession to make. I kinda have a thing for tentacles. I have a fascination with tentacled critters - octopuses, squids, jellyfish... And I like my hentai with tentacles. So when I first laid eyes on this gorgeous piece of fuckable art, I knew it had to be mine. Someday soon. Hopefully, very soon...
Whipspider Jellyfish Dildo
We just covered my fascination with tentacles. So what's the only thing that could possibly come close to matching the awesomeness of a tentacle dildo? A jellyfish dildo. And these Whipspider folks have both. I love them and I am totally inviting them to our wedding. Maybe I can even get them to make us some kind of fantastic octo-dildo centerpiece...
Octopussy Dress
In addition to tentacles, I also harbor a deep, passionate love for latex. So, Octopus + Latex = MUST. HAVE. THIS. Someday. Some far-off, distant day when I can afford to shell out $700 for a dress. Someday...
In the meantime, though, I've got toys to play with and a Mistress who will be home soon. So I'm off! Drop me a comment and share your latest acquisitions or objects of lust.
Labels:
recent acquisitions,
Toy Box Tuesday,
wishlist
Monday, June 6, 2011
Make It Yourself Monday: Sartan's Working With Leather
Hi, folks and welcome to the first installment of Make It Yourself Monday! If you're a crafty kinkster - like Miss K. and I - then you've probably already found yourself looking at collars and cuffs and floggers and thinking to yourself, "I bet I could make that." Or maybe the thought hadn't crossed your mind until just now. Either way, I'm sure you'll be delighted to know that yes, you can make your own toys, and there are plenty of helpful tutorials floating around the internet to guide you. Heck, there's even a book.
We've been collecting tutorials for a while now, waiting to have the space, materials, and tools necessary to try out some of them. Hopefully, that will happen once we've finished moving and settled into our new house. Once we do start some our own projects, we will, of course, be sharing them here. But in the meantime, we'll share some of those awesome tutorials we've found. Starting with...
Sartan's Working With Leather. If you're looking to try your hand at leather working, this is the first page you should read. There is all sorts of useful information here about the tools you'll need, how to use them, and even where to get them - though, it should be noted that the page has been around for a while and may not have been updated recently, so some of the information may be out of date. Still, the tools and techniques haven't changed, and that's the important part, right? Right.
Now, once you've read up on the basics and you're ready to jump in there and make something, Sartan provides instructions for a wide variety of restraints and toys - from basic cuffs and blindfolds to arm binders and suspension cuffs. You'll even find floggers, paddles, and a really unique hanging leather cage. My personal favorite is the serpentine collar:
I love the way it curves to fit the neck. Looks like it would super-comfy. We're definitely going to have to try this one...
But maybe leather working's not your thing. No worries. If you're more at home in the wood shop, there's plenty here to keep you busy too. How about a St. Andrew's Cross (who wants to build us one?!) or your own set of stocks? Or maybe you'd like to make your own vibrator. Yep, that's covered too.
This one page could easily keep you busy for days, weeks, even months, but there's still more to explore. Check out the index and you'll find additional links, including shops where you can buy some of the projects shown if you lack the time to make them yourself or purchase the necessary and sometimes elusive hardware and tools.
So, to summarize, if you have any interest whatsoever in making your own kinky goods, you simply must visit this page. Seriously.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Got questions?
We've got answers. And if we don't, we'll find them for you. Click here or use the Formspring box in the sidebar to your left to ask us anything you like. We welcome questions about toys, bondage, pony play, gender exploration, or anything else you see mentioned here. Or if you're just dying to know what our favorite kind of cake is or what kind of tree we would be, if we were a tree that's fine too.
If you're shy, don't worry - you can ask anonymously. All we ask is that you mind your manners. If you're really shy, and you'd prefer to ask privately, feel free to email us at: mylittleponygrrl[at]gmail[dot]com.
In the meantime, we'll be over here, working on a whole bunch of cool new stuff that we'll start rollin' out next week. So if you haven't already, click one of those buttons on the left to subscribe to our feed or have updates sent right to your email. See ya Monday!
If you're shy, don't worry - you can ask anonymously. All we ask is that you mind your manners. If you're really shy, and you'd prefer to ask privately, feel free to email us at: mylittleponygrrl[at]gmail[dot]com.
In the meantime, we'll be over here, working on a whole bunch of cool new stuff that we'll start rollin' out next week. So if you haven't already, click one of those buttons on the left to subscribe to our feed or have updates sent right to your email. See ya Monday!
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