The Lineup

We thought our readers might be interested to know what's in our toybox, so here they are - all of our toyfriends, presented in chronological order, beginning with our very first purchase.

We call it:  Our Little Glass Friend 
They call it:  Icicles No. 10
It's made by:  Pipedream
We bought it from:  The Pink Pyramid in Cincinnati, OH

This was the very first toy we chose together, and boy was it a memorable decision.  We were, admittedly, a little nervous.  We were practically paralyzed by choice.  And we were surrounded by cheesy names and stereotypical porn packaging.  Plenty of good stuff, but not the most pleasing presentation.  Don't let the name here fool you.  "Icicles" is kind of cute, and the current packaging isn't bad.  Obviously, Pipedream has given this product an upgrade.  When we found it, they were calling it "Glass 4 Your Ass."  Yup.  Not attractive.  But we saw past that to the true potential this little guy possessed - not as a dubiously safe anal toy, but as a delightful little dildo.  

We'd already been ogling glass toys online, intrigued by the idea, trying to imagine the unique sensation they must offer.  So when we saw this little guy, we knew we had to give him a shot.  And we were not disappointed.  He is completely unlike any other toy we've tried.  He's hard and completely unyielding - so hard things can get a bit uncomfortable if you get too vigorous.  But when you keep things slow and gentle, his unyielding nature coupled with those delicious, bulging bubbles makes him a fantastic g-spot stimulator.  Neither of us is quite as fond of the little nubbly end, but it's still nice too.  

Even though a few years and a number of other toys have passed since we bought our little friend here, he's still one of our favorite toys.  And I'm sure he always will be.

We call it:  Mr. Happy Bunny
They call it:  Jack Rabbit Harness
We bought it from:  The Pink Pyramid in Cincinnati, OH

This little guy caught our eye for a couple of reasons.  1) He's one of those rabbit vibes that everyone's been raving about since that one Sex and the City episode, and 2) he's not just a rabbit vibe - he's a strap-on rabbit vibe.  We wanted to try a harness.  We wanted to try a rabbit.  This guy was both, so why not?  

Alas, the harness aspect turned out to be a bit disappointing.  The harness fit well enough, was easily adjustable, and reasonably comfortable.  It just wasn't quite sturdy enough.  Or rather, as we suspect, Happy Bunny was just a bit too heavy.  He always took a nose-dive, not matter how tightly we adjusted the harness to begin with.  Still, it worked well enough that we did use it a few times.  But we usually skipped the harness and just used him as a hand-held.  And in that manner, he completely succeeded.

You can probably tell by looking at the photo that he's been well-loved.  That's a hair-tie around the controller, holding the case together.  And if he looks a little lopsided, well, that's because he is.  We... uh... kind of broke him.  Not completely.  He still works.  The vibration is just fine.  But we sort of knocked his balls out of whack, and now he doesn't rotate quite like he's supposed to.  Which is a shame, because as funny as it may look, that feels pretty damn wonderful.  In fact, I think that sums him up nicely: pretty damn wonderful.

Mr. Happy Bunny definitely has far more character than any of our other toys.  Aside from the little bunny, which is pretty standard for these types of vibes, the head of the insertable portion totally has an adorable little smiling face.  Which is pretty fantastic, if you ask us.  And pretty apt.  After all, a little time spent with this guy makes everyone happy.  :)

We call it:  Thomas Morecock (or Mr. Manthing)
They call it:  Cyberskin Cybercock with Balls
It's made by:  Topco Sales
We bought it from:  The Pink Pyramid in Cincinnati, OH

It's ironic, isn't it?  That one of our first purchases would be a realistic reproduction of the very organ we were so happily living without.  It would make a lot more sense a few years later when I, your dear KinkMage, began to explore my gender identity.  But hey, we're talkin' toys here.

This one was actually recommended to us by the very nice, very helpful shopkeeper.  When we mentioned that we were looking for dildos, this was the first one he grabbed.  I don't really remember what he said about it.  I just remember standing thinking, "Holy crap.  I'm standing in an lgbt-friendly sex shop with my girlfriend listening to a man talk about dildos.  My life is so awesome."  But I digress.

What sold us on this one was the little sample of the cyberskin that was attached to the box so you could see what it actually felt like.  And it felt pretty freakin' great.  Plus, you have to admit, this is a nice lookin' cock.  And it came with a little bottle of lube.  What's not to love?

Okay, so there are a couple things, as we discovered when we started playing with dear Thomas.  His squishy texture is lots of fun to play with, but when it comes to penetration, he's a bit too squishy.  He bends a bit too easily, which makes vigorous thrusting a bit difficult.  But he's still great, and we still love him.

The one other downside is that Cyberskin is a total lint-magnet.  Using cornstarch or talcum powder after washing helps, but still always manages to pick up lint balls and hair and pretty much anything else he can find.    Still just a minor annoyance, though.  We just baby him a little more than most of our toys.  But somehow, that seems appropriate.

We call it:  Our Little Buzzy Friend
They call it:  Waterproof Slim Silver Bullet
It's made by:  Pipedream
We bought it from:  The Sub Shop

We snagged this little baby during one of Autumn's awesome sales for less than 10 bucks.  It's pretty basic - waterproof, 4 speeds, battery-operated.  We figured it would be a nice staple to have, but we weren't expecting to be really wowed by it.

Boy, were we surprised.  Despite his small stature, this little guy really packs a punch.  Even at the lowest setting, he's pretty powerful.  Crank it all the way up and... well...  Let's put it this way:  the first time we tried him, he achieved his ultimate goal in approximately 3 minutes.

Yeah.  I know.

He quickly became one of our favorite and most frequently used toys.  And he's held up very well.  He's seen about a year of pretty heavy use, and aside from having to stop and change the batteries a few times, he hasn't given us any trouble.  Just recently, his cord has worn through at the base of the bullet and left the wires exposed, which makes us a bit wary of using him, but considering what we paid for him and all the use and abuse he's seen, we're impressed that he's lasted this long!  We salute you, Sir Buzzy of Vroom!

We call it:  The Purple One
They call it:  Hannah Harper's 10 Function G-Spot Vibe
It's made by:  Pipedream
We bought it from:  The Sub Shop

This was another vibe that we grabbed for cheap during a sale.  We were interested in trying a G-spot vibe, and with 10 functions and the nice bonus of being waterproof, this one seemed like a good choice.  Plus, it's a very pretty color.  You can't really tell in the photo, but it's kind of shimmery.  Sometimes a girl needs a little shimmer in her life.

And, just like it's predecessor, this one totally exceeded our expectations.  The curved tip required a bit of maneuvering, and the hard plastic obviously doesn't give at all, so this one - like Our Little Glass Friend - requires a bit more gentleness and finesse.  

But let's talk about those 10 functions...


Oh, sorry.  I... uh... kinda zoned out there for a minute.  What were we-- oh, right.  The functions.  Well.  There are 10 of them.  You push a button on the base to turn the vibe on and cycle through the settings.  The first three are increasingly strong constant vibrations.  After that, there are patterns that I can't really tell you much about because I inevitably become too distracted to remember exactly what they are.  But there are definitely waves and pulses and Morse-code like "bzz, bzz, bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" patterns.  And they're all good.

This is definitely one of our favorite toys, and it's made us curious about other G-spot stimulators.  If they're all like this...  Meeeow.

What we call it:  Our Buttfriend
What they call it:  Silicone Crystal Cote Butt Plug
It's made by:  California Exotic Novelties
We bought it from:  The Sub Shop

Being intrepid anal explorers, when it came time to stock up on the basics, a good butt plug was high on our list.  We wanted something that was not too big, had a bit of "squish," and fit into our somewhat limited budget.  This little guy fit all those requirements perfectly.

He's a good "beginner" size - about 1" in diameter at the widest - and he's made of silicone, so he has that little bit of squish without being too squishy.  Plus, he's a piece of cake to clean and to keep clean.  Yay, silicone!  And he certainly didn't break the bank, which is always a good thing.  He also came with the added bonus of a suction cup base, which could be very interesting, though we've never actually utilized that feature.  Maybe we should...

All that being said, how does he feel?  Wonderful.  I won't even try to describe the sensation.  If anal is something you've never tried, you really should.  At least once.  Just make sure you do it right.

This little fella's gonna need a new name soon.  He may have been our first buttfriend, but he certainly won't be our last.  Buttsex FTW!

What we call it:  Goeswhar the Huge
What they call it:  Translucence - Smooth Double Dong
It's made by:  California Exotic Novelties
We bought it from:  Nowhere!  It was a gift from a friend.  We have really awesome friends.

There's nothing quite like opening a package from your BFF and finding a large, pink double-ended dildo nestled amidst the soaps and bath fizzies and other innocent goodies - accompanied by bondage rope and anal beads - to make you feel like you have the very best friends in the world.

We knew this was coming.  By the time the box arrived, the big, pink beast that lay within had already become something of a legend.

"It's... pretty big," she told us.  "Hopefully not too big..."

We laughed.  How big could it be, really?  We were imagining something similar in girth to Mr. Morecock.  He'd seemed a bit large too, when we first got him.  So we expected to open the box, laugh, and say, "Oh, is that all?"

Well, we did laugh.  How could we not when we saw this thing curled up like a fat, pink snake in the bottom of the box?  It was ridiculous.  Hilariously, wonderfully ridiculous.  And big.  Our friend had not been exaggerating.  He really was quite large.  17.5" long and 1.75" in diameter, to be precise.  And, being made of that wacky jelly substance, quite floppy.  I spent a great deal of time just waggling his ends around and giggling maniacally.  I don't think we've ever had quite so much fun with a toy before we even tried to use it.

Now, what about using him for his intended purpose?  Well, that's been an adventure.  Firstly, he definitely requires a bit of a warm up and some extra lube.  Secondly, simultaneous use of a double-ended dildo requires a bit of choreography.  It's a bit like waltzing.  With your vag.  It's not easy, but once you get a rhythm going, it is fun.  And with proper preparation and lubrication, the size is actually quite nice.   

He isn't a toy we use frequently, but we always have fun when we do.  They say laughter is the best medicine.  Maybe it's an aphrodisiac too...
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...